Sad and Stressed

Read part 1 of our House Hunting journey HERE

Guys, I know that my whole "wanting to buy a house" spiel is new to you...but it's been a major deal to me for several years now.

I have been wanting a house and begging Antonio to get us a house for years...but his credit has always been lacking. (as of right now, it is considered "very poor")

Each year, he tells me that he's going to work on cleaning up his credit. But tells me not to bug him. Then, the next year rolls around and I begin talking about buying a house again....but, lo and behold, his credit is still a disaster area.

When asked why he didn't do it, he has several stock answers: "I couldn't afford to pay off anything" or "I forgot."

Maybe he just gets overwhelmed when looking at it. But he never wanted to follow my plans of how we could pay off the bills one at a time, over time.

I am just heartbroken.

I want this house that I found.

I've NEVER seen one so perfect for us in all the years I've been house hunting (even back when we got our first house 10 years ago) that fits within our budget.

But I know that our paying off everything yesterday (except the worker's comp medical bill) won't do any good on his credit. Paying off delinquent accounts doesn't raise credit...only having them deleted will. And none of the collection agencies would delete them.

The bank said that the secured credit card will raise his score 100 points in 3 months, but I don't believe that. I think they were just trying to get him to get the card so they could meet some quota the bank gives their employees. Even if it does raise it 100 points....3 months is a heck of a long time to expect a house to just sit on the market.

This house is going to slip away, like all of the others I've loved over the years. The big difference is just how badly I want this one.

I feel like I am such a nag...I am constantly having to call and check "did you do this" or "did you call that person" or "did you fax that letter"? And I know that it annoys him but if I don't do it, he ends up completely forgetting about it. Then we have to wait another year. This is the 4th or 5th year that we've attempted to get another house...but each year his credit is still crappy. And each year he'll say that "I'll work on it over the next year and we'll try again next year." I'm tired of this old song and dance and this year I am doing everything in my power to get that credit score UP!

I am trying to have faith and know that if God wants us to have it, we will....but I feel stupid and naive to think that just having faith is going to be enough.

Is it ridiculously silly that I am so upset about this, to the point that I have tears in my eyes while I write this? I just want to give up....

Let this be a lesson to young people who think that letting bills go to collection won't hurt you...eventually it's all going to catch up with you and you will pay. One way or another, you'll pay.