I'M PREGNANT!!!

It all started with root beer.

Seriously.

For someone who hasn't drank soda in almost 3 years, a sudden desire for root beer raised my suspicions.

I was supposed to start my period the day after I dropped the kids off with my parents for their vacation in Ohio.

It never came.

That really made me start biting my nails.

Then the exhaustion hit after the kids got back.

I remembered that exhaustion...it's not the same as being sleepy or really tired. No, this is like Really Tired On Steroids and 50 Sleeping Pills.

My breasts have been hurting for a few weeks. Like majorly aching. And, is it my imagination, or do they actually feel heavier??

I've also been getting up once or twice a night to pee. Also, not typical for me.

Also, my feet and fingers have been slightly swollen for a few weeks. But that started awhile ago...in late July when we first moved into the house. I had a period that month. We chalked it up to the move in the heat and the hard floors. It subsided but came back after we took the kids up to my parents.

Antonio and I talked about my taking a test but I brushed it off, thinking of the many false alarms I've had over the last year or so...usually, I'd be a day or two late...or just have a "feeling"...and so I'd take a test, it'd be negative and then I'd start my period the very next day.

A waste of $8 or so. We usually buy the generic ones at Walmart...but sometimes he'd buy the more expensive $15 ones which would really piss me off, as who really wants to do nothing but pee on a $15 stick??

Before I progress with this story, let me give you the back story of how this happened,,,,well, not how it happened, yo....I'm sure there are some pay-per-view movies you can stream if you want all the sexy details. hahaha...but the logistics of it all....

In September of 2014 (a year after losing my little brother), I suffered a miscarriage. See, after Levi was born (2012), I had the Paragard IUD put in. I still ended up getting pregnant with it after it had been in proper placement (confirmed by ultrasound) for over 2 years. My miscarriage happened not too long afterwards. Heartbroken, I ended up having the IUD removed.

We had planned on practicing FAM (Fertility Awareness Method) as a form of natural birth control. But I was never able to get the hang of it. So we've just been using condoms since then.

And that apparently didn't work for us.

Yesterday (Aug 18), as I was fighting the good fight not to fall asleep on the chair in the playroom, I found a great deal on pregnancy tests. Not the kind you pee on, but the kind you dip in the pee cup, like at a doctor's office.

20 tests for $7.

You really can't beat that price! (to snag this deal for yourself, just CLICK HERE) Since I'm a Prime member, I was even eligible to have the tests delivered same day. So I ordered the kids some vitamins and myself some B12 (because if it's not pregnancy making me this tired, I better start getting some help, dude). And a lip gloss. Lip gloss for 2 reasons: one is because your order has to be at least $35 to get same-day-delivery...and second of all, well, heck, who really needs a second reason to order lip gloss??!

All day I waited for that Lasership delivery person to bring my package.

Then, when it came around dinner time, I didn't want to take it anymore. There was a very strong chance that I was going to take that test and it was going to change my life. Forever. So, well, forever is a long time and I could probably just wait til morning to change my life. (ever the procrastinator!!!) Plus, it's best to wait for higher HcG levels in your urine to take a pregnancy test and morning is the best time for elevated levels.

So morning it was!!!

Truthfully, I wasn't even going to take it in the morning. That's how freaked out I was.

But this morning came (Friday, August 19) and I woke up really early (thanks, Antonio's alarm clock!!) and...had to pee. Duh. I was still exhausted, despite having gone to bed at 8:30 last night...I figured that if I wasn't pregnant, I should probably begin to worry about this lethargy. So I needed to know.

I went to the bathroom and peed in a red Solo cup.

No joke. I really did. haha

I read the test instructions and they were super easy: dip test into the urine for 3 seconds. Wait 5 mins for results.

I peed.

I dipped.

I waited....for 5 seconds before both pink lines turned super dark!!

Suddenly, here I am: pregnant at 35 with my rainbow baby.

(Rainbow Baby: a baby born after a miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal or infant loss)

I am terrified.

I have been having these horrific panic attacks over the last year, my psoas muscle is still giving me a lot of pain and I believe that I have a twisted sacrum due to a fall I had forgotten I had taken while gardening a couple of years ago. Walking, bending over, standing, even sleeping sometimes has me in pain.

Yes, yes, if anyone can make gardening a contact sport, it's me.

Plus, I'm 35....the glaring age of when troubles start becoming more abundant in pregnancies. The odds of having a baby with Down Syndrome or other chromosomal problem have increased.

::sigh::

Not to mention a whole different kind of problem....the bigger and scarier problem: telling the kids.

I think that Mahri will be ecstatic and super happy.

Christian is probably going to act happy but really be bummed.

Austin and Levi? PISSED.

They have already made it clear to me that I am never to have another baby.

Ever.

Let me sort through some emotions and clarify some things for you, lest I be seen as this horrible person that is not dancing in the streets with glee over this pregnancy right away....

Every one of my babies has been a surprise.

Never a mistake. NEVER.

God obviously has an agenda of His own.

Or the Universe, however you want to see it.

In fact, my OB/GYN recently pointed out why I get pregnant so easily and effortlessly, even while on birth control, (please do not think I am bragging or something like that...I know how many women would love to have just one baby but can't. My heart breaks for you, it really does. And I am very sorry if my post makes you sad or upsets you...this is just me sorting through some strong emotions about a monumental event in my life)....my doctor said that it appears that I am "releasing" at least 2 eggs a month on many months and that, frankly, he is surprised that I haven't had twins yet.

I've spent some time crying....knowing that I should be happy and grateful...but also knowing that this was not in my plans. My youngest two boys have me wore out. The other two are teens (well, Christian in 12 but that's close enough) and that keeps me busy with raging adolescent hormones and trying to prepare them for adulthood. And this year they are all doing homeschool.

Homeschooling....

High School

Middle School

Kindergarten

Preschool

....and pregnant?!!!

We also just moved the little boys out of our bedroom since we have room at the new house for them to sleep in the "Boys Room". I have finally been able to sleep after SO MANY YEARS of barely sleeping.

And now...it's starting all over again???

Our pool business is taking off and becoming so successful...but that means that Antonio is almost never home. He works 80-90 hours a week.

How am I going to do this?!!

That's the one side of my feelings.

The other is....I'm having a baby! A cute teeny tiny baby! Who will grow up and be just like my other kiddos who light up my entire world.

Also, I have a ton of cloth diapers saved, my high chair and swing are in storage, as are a ton of baby clothes! So woohoo for hoarding being prepared, right?!!

Well, that's all I've got for you for now. I'm planning on documenting this adventure and being completely honest with everything: the good and the bad. Possibly vlogging more. What do you think?? Are you guys ready to take this adventure with me??!

(P.S. Although I am typing this all up on August 19, I am not able to publish anything until after I tell my babies and my family....)

ETA: I'm sorry I forgot to mention this!! I was almost 6 weeks when we found out!!