Learning To Live Alone

I find it funny that I am learning to live alone for the first time as a 41 year old.

I lived with my family until I was 18...then stayed with different friends and family members until I met my now-ex-husband.

And we were together almost 20 years.

And once I left him, I met Jeff. And we dated almost a year before he moved in with me...but while we were dating, he would frequently stay the night and I would spend the rest of the time trying to find ways to convince him to move in. Because...well, I did love love him...but I was also terrified to live alone.

Every bump and squeak I heard in the night sent me under the covers, terrified.

I worried about my ability as a mother to protect my children but that wasn't enough to make me unafraid of walking through my house in the dead of night.

Jeff ended up moving in with me and living with me for over a year.

But we have realized that we both have a lot of things that we each need to work on within ourselves and within our relationship.

So I came up with a solution for myself...and during my New Moon in Pisces ceremony, I did a sacred ritual and made a commitment to Mother Moon and Mother Goddess. They will help me with the healing that I need to do but I will need to dedicate the next six months...until the Full Moon in Pisces (September 2022)...to living alone. Jeff and I can still date and still be intimate. But I will live alone.

He said that he is also going to dedicate his time to also healing and working on himself and working on our relationship. But whether or not he does that is ultimately up to him. But I trust that he will...and it really does seem like he is, after a rocky start to the arrangement.

I don't know how to explain it but there is so much power within me now. I am not scared in the least to be alone at night now. I sleep like a baby. I get up and explore the house when I hear strange noises. I don't spend any time on begging him to move back in. (yes, I miss him but I know that this is all for the higher good) I am spending time with my kids and enjoying the journey that I am on with them, as well.

Here are some of the things I've been up to while healing...

I rehung my fairy lights around my bedroom so that it feels like I'm laying under the stars when I'm in bed at night....

I made 2 gallon-size jars of Fire Cider.....

I've had friends over to play Cards Against Humanity....

I've gone out for drinks and conversations with friends....

I've been doing a lot of personal readings....but Nyx thinks that she needs to give her input at every reading....

Dinner dates with my bestie....

Just spending time with these little beyond-adorable weirdos....

It was super hard in the beginning...especially when things were not yet sorted out in my head. I just needed a plan and a goal so that everything didn't feel so chaotic. I think I'm doing great now! I wonder if it will always be so smooth sailing, though...but I have a feeling I'm definitely going to encounter some bumps and waves....because that means I'm being challenged and that I'm growing.

What about you? Have you always lived alone? Always lived with someone? Or a mixture of both?